If there ever was a such thing that could keep me from enjoying life and doing what I want, the last 5 years are proof. I was scared of everything and everybody so I could never defy the odds of my own mind and body to simply get a tattoo. I walked out of my home with so much reluctance and got in the car while telling myself that I should turn around. I had no idea what I was doing and that was a bit of a rush for me. I didn't have to think about much because once my foot was on the gas I knew there was no turning back. I had asked myself all the questions I needed to ask as I parked the car and walked into the same place that pierced my nose 6 months ago.
I was greeted almost instantly and my body shook but I never felt the urge to walk away which is the reason why I was now standing in the middle of the tattoo shop. I looked at all the art on the shelves and paintings on the walls while fighting the urge to get all my tattoos at once. In the midst of all the racing in my mind, I finally heard "So what are you looking to get?" I spewed so many ideas that I think the guys getting tattoos laughed to themselves. I was so sure when I walked in the door but here I am now trying to simply figure out if I wanted to do some girly ink that would misrepresent me.
I fumbled my way to a seat after a nice conversation about my reasons for wanting to get a tattoo. I absolutely thought that this was going to hurt like hell and I should just make this a trial run. There wasn't even a slight moment after the needle touched my arm that I felt another urge to run. There wasn't enough pain to make me think that this was a bad choice. There was a switch that clicked off and I had never experienced that before. In the moments of sitting and turning due to my butt being numb I realized that I have endured more pain than this in my lifetime. I was ready to express myself through this piece of work that would show my personality without explanation.
I am sure there will be other opportunities for me to second guess my choice as I have done when in a moment of anxiety but those are far and few between lately. I am finding this peace in my flaws and enabling myself to be honest with myself. I go into the depths of my own soul and find things that I never knew were even there. I am always ready to keep pushing for the evolution that escaped me before. This was a major experience for me and I am glad I did it.