Grooming

Its Friday.

I'm so young that I don't even have an idea how old I am I just know that this is the day before I am going to be sitting at my grandmothers house all day. People may come by but honestly who knows. I don't remember homework or what I do on these days at school. I just have a feeling of dread because today is Friday.

I wonder if anyone else realized that I liked to hide. I liked to shrink myself into a space so that I wouldn't be seen. I would sneak outside when no one was paying attention so I could be alone.

The television is on but I am not really watching it. I hate the way it smells here. I can't breathe, I am suffocating. This living room has a discolored carpet with an old couch that I never sit back on. I can't stand the clock in the hallway that sounds like its ticking hours off my life by the minute. The TV has to be from the 70's because its a big box that sits on the floor. You have to slap it from time to time due to the static and the 7 channels this hag has.

I hate it here. This place causes nothing but confusion for me. I swear this old lady is just mean for no reason. She treats me like a dumb ass, nappy headed little girl who is jealous of everybody because I am fat. My granddaddy loved me though. He was always there for me. He made sure that I felt good and he would say the things I wished I could to that bitch.

When the night came, it was always this fight to determine where me and my sisters or cousins were going to sleep. There are 3 bedrooms here but whenever I got near the entrance I felt like a rush of panic come over me. I couldn't understand it then but I knew that I could never walk into one of those rooms and let someone cut off the light.

There wasn't time to fight on this Friday though, the old bitch comes out her room and tells me I am sleeping in her room. I only see this room when I bring my clothes onto her closet floor. There is one window, a bed and another TV that sits on the ground and has to turned on and off with pliers. I swear I hate it here.

She was unusually nice to me. She went into her Chester drawer to get brand new underwear and a gown that I had never seen before. She took me into her bathroom and ran a bath. She used some type of smelly powder in the water. It smelled like flowers and I was so surprised at what she was doing that I never wanted it to stop. She washed my back and asked me questions about my favorite color.

When it was time to get out I never questioned why my granddaddy was sitting in the room and she left the bathroom door opened. I could see that he was watching me but she grabbed my hand and told me to come by the mirror. She started styling my hair. For the first time, she didn't pull me by my hair or tell me I was fat and needed to lose weight. She didn't even tell me that I should look more like my sisters. She simply said that I looked so pretty and she was going to paint my nails a very pretty red color. The whole time I was naked and wrapped in a towel.

After painting my nails, she dressed me in the same door way that I saw him watching me from. I never thought about any of this stuff until these memories came back to me as an adult. She put on my underwear and my gown. I was told to climb in the bed next to my granddaddy. The big pillows and blankets swallowed me but it was way better than sleeping on the floor so I didn't complain.

My grandmother came and got in the bed next to me. She said good night and the light went out. I don't remember how or when I fell asleep. What I do know is that I woke up the next morning and had no underwear on. I ran to the closet and found some that I got from home. I was so scared that I would get in trouble for losing the ones that I just got. My granddaddy walked into the room with a smile.

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