For 25 years of my life, I was the type of woman that held onto her pain and allowed it to destroy me so that it wouldn't effect anyone else. I didn't think about me enough to care how much damage would be caused. The only thing I knew was that if it negatively effected someone else or better yet "ruined someone's day" then I must have been in the wrong.
I am currently learning that I don't have to accept someone else response to how I feel but I can understand it. I have never intentionally hurt anyone in my life but that was never enough for them. I had always been around the type of people that wanted something in return for what I said or did. I had to hurt in order for them to feel better and for some people that wasn't good enough either.
I was never able to decipher how people felt and it led to me being taken advantage of most of the time. I didn't know how much I still needed to learn as I got older in age but I believe it was because the people who were supposed to teach me, weren't taught it either. Have you ever felt like people just didn't get you? Has it ever just been hard for you to speak and not because you didn't know the words to say? Its been difficult because I thought people would always judge first and I was right.
I doubt myself because all I have ever been able to relate to is negative feelings. I never knew that there was more to me besides that. I didn't know it was ok to be simply happy.