At a young age I realized I was unwanted and unseen. I talked to much and listened to little. I never defended myself because I thought it would make things easier for everyone else.
I questioned everything and still didn't understand anything. I chose to overlook the people that intentionally were nice to me because it wasn't real or genuine.
I am smart.
I am fat.
I am a whore.
I am lazy.
I will never amount to anything.
I don't have common sense.
I don't know anything.
There was always a smile or pat on the back whenever we were in public or someone who thought they knew me would say something good. If we are being honest there was nothing that I could do right even when I proved you wrong.
I had the "Family is Everything" motto instilled in my head by the time I was 8 years old. You never turn your back on family. You never choose anyone else over your family. You don't trust anyone more than you trust family. It was beat into my childhood and I carried it from then until I realized it was bullshit as an adult.